lovin’ me some…reflection

what? oh hai, blog. haven’t seen you in awhile. i swear. if there were an award for most consistent inconsistent blogging, i would have completed a three-peat. i think i have four blogs…and irregularly update all of them. if you’re still around, you also deserve an award.

what brings me to blogging tonight? well…a little bit of reflection. i’m not the most introspective person — i just don’t have the time for it. but tomorrow is my 29th birthday. yes, 29 on the 29th. i’ll consider it my special day, or something like that.

the last year has been a doozy. good, bad, ugly: i’ve seen it all.

the good

• i traveled to nyc to hang with my besties.
• i began a running program to train for a 5k.
• i completed a 31 things challenge.
• i had lots of good times spent with my family.
• i expanded my skills at work and took on new challenges.
• i started attending a new church.
• i celebrated new years on the beach in punta cana.
• i quit smoking. twice.
• i laughed. a lot.

the bad (and the ugly)

• i started smoking (see above).
• i didn’t take my medicine.
• i took too much medicine.
• i didn’t complete my 5k training program.
• i left my home church.
• i got really frustrated.
• i got angry.
• i got sad.
• i said things i shouldn’t have and didn’t do things i should have.

yes. there were successes and failures — just as there are with every passing year. the good news for me is that the good outweighed the bad, and that is about all you can really ask for, right?

i have a lot to look forward to in the coming year, and i might as well tell you (if you’re still out there) first.

i have decided to make an extremely proactive (and possibly radical) decision about my health. i have decided to undergo lapband surgery. if all goes well, i should be laying on an OR table come march or april.

what is lapband? well….long-story short, it’s a gastric banding procedure that restricts the amount of food one can eat. if you really want to get in-depth, you can read more about it here.

i’ve been pretty transparent with regards to my struggles with weight. i’ve also been fairly open about my PCOS diagnosis (read about it here). i have been working really hard for the past two years (and long before that) to get the weight off so i can kick my PCOS symptoms. i’ve also been extremely unsuccessful, despite diet and exercise.

i had been – until recently – so opposed to the idea of weight loss surgery. not because i am against it, or think it’s the easy way out — not at all. it just seemed too drastic for me. me? not me. i’m not that bad, i told myself. i’ll just keep doing (weight watchers, south beach, insulin resistance diet, sugar busters, good carbs/bad carbs, starvation, more calories, less calories, more exercise, less exercise).

none of it has made any difference. the scale? it hasn’t budged, which is a good thing only because i haven’t actually gained any weight in the past two years.

for some reason, as i stand on the verge of another year at my current weight, now seems to be the time to come to terms with the fact that i can’t do it on my own anymore. i need help.

lapband might not be the tool — especially since my problem with food isn’t HOW MUCH i eat, but WHAT I EAT (carbs are not my friend, folks. stupid IR). and it’s definitely not a magic pill, i’ll have to keep doing what i’ve been doing.

but i have to think that if i’m going to take a chance on something, it might as well be something that could be such a good thing.

it’s scary, but i can’t sit back another year and watch frustration take over my life. i need to do this. i need to do it for me.

i’ll probably be blogging more about this as my surgery date approaches, as i’m currently working out a lot of this in my head. i hope you’ll be here to cheer me on and listen to me on my days both good and bad.

trust me, people. i now know I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET.

Advertisement